Conversions and De-conversions

The story is over.  What I had initially thought would take me 2 or 3 months of continuous writing turned into 19 months of occasional writing and long breaks.  The writing was not the hard part.  It was the motivation to dredge up the sometimes unpleasant memories, and the thoughtful labor involved in organizing all my thoughts towards the goal of discovering exactly why I converted into Christianity, and why I ultimately had to leave it.  But I am finally finished, and I think I have answered those questions to my own satisfaction.  I wrote it for myself, so that I could discover those answers for myself, but I will leave it in this public forum for anybody who wishes to read it.  I will use this page as a sort of ‘Table of Contents’ to allow me to click on individual articles in the story a little more easily.

I was inspired to write my ‘Spiritual Journey’, if I must call it that, after re-reading Kerry Livgren’s similarly themed autobiography, Seeds of Change.  As I wrote in the very first article of my own series, I was impressed with Livgren’s story because he showed how his decision to convert to Christianity and reject his growing musical fame was not a singular event.  Rather, that decision was the result of a lifetime of experiences and personal meditation, sometimes reaching back into his early childhood.  I wanted to do the same thing with my own story.  Some of the thinking I had as an adult was formed out of events that occurred while I was in still in grade school.  As I have often said, the story of my de-conversion is necessarily the story of my life.  Even though Livgren and I came to vastly different conclusions regarding our religious beliefs, I wanted to show that I also did not make a hasty decision to leave Christianity.  For me, it was the result of over 40 years of experiences, education and deep thought.

Am I right?  I think so, but I have been wrong before.  I can defend most of my positions, but I have learned that I must welcome the possibility that I may be shown to be wrong.  I once thought that I could know and understand the absolute and exclusive Truth about the nature of reality through faith and revelation.  But I will no longer make such claims.  I no longer preach the Gospel of absolute Truth and Certainty.  Methodology is more important than certainty.  I am done with Dogmatism.

Livgren concluded his book with a chapter called Soapbox, in which he vented about the sad state of popular music in the 1980’s and early 90’s.  Portions of that chapter can be read HERE.  In a similar vein I also wrote a concluding chapter, in which I vented some frustrations of my own.  I ultimately decided to leave my own Soapbox off, and leave the story where it is. 

If anybody ever decides they want to know why I left Christianity, I will point them here.  If anybody thinks I was rash in my decision, and threw the baby out with the bathwater, I will point them here.  This is my story.  After writing it, I discovered for myself exactly why I converted into Christianity, and I also know exactly why I left it.  This is why:

I introduce my motivations for wanting to write about my ‘Spiritual Journey’.

Part 0 - It is time

I introduce my parents and a little of their religious pedigree.

Part 1 - Mom

Part 2 - Dad

My parents rejected their respective religious traditions, and I saw a lot of sex, drugs and rock'n'roll.

Part 3 - A godless childhood

Mom got swept up in the hippie 'Jesus Movement' and my world became Pentecostal magic and miracles.

Part 4 - Learning the script

Part 5 - Learning of science and sin

Part 6 - Loosing the fire, the spirit and innocence

As a religious adolescent, I learned to be guilty of what came natural. 

Part 7 - Too much information

I temporarily drop the religion, but continue as an overgrown adolescent.  My future does not look bright.

Part 8 - The hazy years

Miserable and hopeless, I take the only option that I can see.  I learn again to love Jesus.

Part 9 - Born again again  

I describe in some detail my life as a 'Born Again Christian'.  Here are the beliefs that I held, the sacrifices that I made, the street preaching that I performed, and the bogus apologetics and pseudo-science that I had to accept.  I also describe the constant fears, paradoxes and anxieties that Christian dogma imposed on me.

Part 10 - He is sailing

Part 11 - Ye shall know them by their fruits

Part 12 - Weird science

Part 13 - My damned parents

Part 14 - Brutus, thou sleepest...

Part 15 - The circle of the earth

A mission trip reveals the Christian hypocrisy I was engaged in.  I have to leave my home church.  This part contains clips from an old home movie.

Part 16 - Goodbye Calvary Chapel

I read one too many Asimov books, and become fascinated by the mysteries of science.

Part 17 - Awake, my soul, and with the sun

My introduction to astrophysics, the scientific method and skepticism

Part 18 - Gone was the old grey stone

Part 19 - Symbolic disguisings of the truth

Part 20 - It's science, it's magic

I meet my future wife.  I describe some of her religious background as a Catholic.

Part 21 - Rosemary

I learn a bit about Catholicism and how that affected my own Protestant beliefs.

Part 22 - Traditions

I am desperate to be a good husband, so I try to be good the only way I know how - religion.  The results are nearly disastrous.

Part 23 - Returning to Fundamentalism

Part 24 - The filtered Bible

Part 25 - Marriage and morals

I start to apply critical reasoning to my religious beliefs while married to a Catholic believer and hosting Bible studies.  It is a precarious balancing act.

Part 26 - Powerless

Part 27 - The final straw

I retreat to Christian apologetics to save my crumbling Faith.  The plan backfires.

Part 28 - All the Messianic Prophecies

Part 29 - Slash and burn

I finally abandon my Christian faith.  Now what?

Part 30 - Unequally yoked

Part 31 - God is dead

Part 32 - Religious experience and unbelief